The Wheel

"I am the axel on which the wheel turns."

This was my thought tonight as I drove home from my coffee haunt. Not one that is new for me. I've created a meditation in the past to monitor my position on the "Wheel of Fortune" and without careful attention to it, shit inevitably gets all over the fan blades. So I return to a practice and rite that has given me success in the past. My only question now is what the cost will be to spin the wheel back to fortune and prosperity. We'll see.


Craving Candy... and a Job

I'm up at an ungodly hour and the urge to blog is on me again. Some day I'll figure it out. I think it may be the mix of the high school playlist on Pandora and way too much time to think. The highlights of the last half hour have been the Verve and good ol' Nick Lachey. Youtube and Vevo are stupid and won't allow an embed of the Verve's video, but Nick's was available so check out the link above and the video below to get an idea of my listening experience.

While you're enjoying the audio hotness of said artists, keep reading.

Since my last legitimate post in September (2010) was in no way an update of any kind, I feel a bit behind. Why, you ask? Because the completionist (thank you Tal for that terminology) in me likes to update and catalog everything it can. Tonight, though, I think I'll try a different approach and not bore you, my invisible and unstimulated readers, into tears with things you most likely already know from my facebook updates and twitter ramblings (all 140 character's worth). So on to the important stuff.

I am plagued, or blessed, with unemployment as of two weeks ago, roughly. I give two possibilities because they are both very possible, to one degree or another... or altogether equally the same... or wholly 100% definite.... play with that paradox 'til your little hooman brain squeals... Despite where my subconscious-led perception takes me, I am adopting a positive approach in a rebellious act of middle-finger defiance to the chaotic outer dark entities who threw the dice on this job situation in the first place. I'm sure they enjoy it as much as I do. We've got a very special relationship going. I've taken on the view that the best direction for me is a mostly new one, fresh with undiscovered, ripened possibilities. The fact that I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing or where this is going is quite unimportant really. Who cares? The blessing is found in the reinvention of myself and the life I encapsulate "myself" in allowing new things in and old, unused things a way out the back door. The plague side of it is mostly a reaction to being in the "unemployment" situation again. I've been there, done that so many times, but each time I've done the same old thing with the same eventual result. Quote me the definition of insanity and I just might feast on your eyeballs. My solution- avoid the plague.

My thought process has been as follows- depression, fuck depression I'll win the lotto, I wonder if I can get a job as an escort, I wonder who's hiring within a five minute drive from my home, depression (again), I should call someone, maybe I'll sell my art, fuck I don't have a decent portfolio going right now, remember to work on portfolio later, check facebook, check online job listings, google top ten jobs to work from home, depression (yet again), damn I've got a lot of bills, those damn dead people don't have to deal with this shit, maybe I'll watch a scary movie, yeah I'll play the lotto, this damn economy better shape up soon, I need food.

Astute readers will notice that sex doesn't enter in there at all. That's right, I've literally not been thinking about sex at the usual frequency. And now back to what we all really want to read about.

I've found that with my options really open at the moment the one thing different this time from previous unemployment dilemmas is the fact that I don't want to pick up and move to a new location. I like where I'm at and want to find a way to stick it out in my current home. I'm also very much in the mood to win the lotto. The Colorado lottery is currently at 20 million and I'd be very happy to take home a 1 million dollar slice of that. In fact, I'm going to keep playing until I snag that prize. I know, all the odds fall against me, but hey, someone's gotta win so why not me? Thank you, Universe, in advance for your help with that. My other options are still wide open and will come into effect in short order. In the meantime I'm going to probably have to get any job available to pay the bills, but with all the good things on the horizon (yes, they're there, goddamn it) I don't anticipate needing it for very long.

I love talking about all of this so much I don't want to stop blogging, but a lengthy blog post the readers will not appreciate, so it must come to an end. On a positive note, things will get better even if they have to get worse for a bit to emphasize the good stuff when it rolls in. If you're in the same spot I am right now, hang tight.

ShareThis With Your Network