Future and Career

In the last couple days I have talked about a positive outlook on the coming year. It seems to come up in a lot of conversations, notably one today. I ask the question- Are careers inconsequential in our current situation?

I suck at politics and money and probably have no good background for bringing this up, but hey, it's my blog and I can at least voice my very likely uneducated opinions.

From discussions with friends with better financial and professional backgrounds I've heard over and over that our views of a person's work history have changed dramatically over the last ten years, even longer. Maybe the last forty. Staying with one job at the same company for 20+ years is a thing of the past. Employers like the renaissance type- someone who has had a multitude of experience over several jobs whether within one field or in many. This changes the modern professional's approach to their work and steps toward a career. Is a career outside of their reach or is it within their grasp? It's all in their hands. Based on the type of job they want to land and the kind of money they want to make they have many options open to them. They could stay with one company and try to climb their way to the top. They could jump opportunistically from job to job until they reach the point they are shooting for and the salary they wish to make. Risky but exciting. Or they could strike out on their own as an entrepreneur and create their own path to wealth and prosperity. These are three common roads.

For myself, I like and strive to one day create my own career with myself as my boss. But this is not doable right at this moment. I've never found the static first choice to be very useful to me because I tend to quickly lose interest. So I work within the second model.

Having never finished college and not currently planning to return I find myself constantly viewing options and jumping at new avenues as they come up. This works for me. Keeps me engaged. Until the crash of the economy I had progressively moved up in pay with each new job I took on over a course of six years. Granted, it was never a huge leap, but I always went up. With the current and much needed job I have taken quite a pay cut. And this has made me think about the future. What can I start doing right now to begin a process that will yield results I am looking for a.k.a a career of my choosing with all the elements I consider to be essential to a great line of work and an enjoyable job experience? And I've begun to seriously evaluate where I want to go.

I've not yet decided what exactly it is I'm shooting for, but a have a hazy collage of mismatched ideas and dreams that given the right glue will all fall together at some point. For now I'm supremely happy that I understand I have options and that whether we call it a career or a job, it will be a great adventure when the time comes.

Do I need a degree? I doubt it. Should I stay with every job as long as I can and focus on working my way up? Maybe, but never to the extreme that I lose focus of the end goal. Do I think I'll figure this out in '10? Probably not, but I intend to make some headway. Life is moving on every minute and it's time I started finding ways to enjoy living it the way I dream I do.

And that's my thoughts tonight. Scrambled, but mine.

The Gods- Musings and Ramblings

K, so this is gonna be one of those deep thinking posts. But hey, with as much as I am not-committing-in-order-to-trick-myself-into-keeping-this-up-and-in-reality-committing to posting every day, there will be some shallow posts from time to time so it never gets too deep.

It's been on my mind quite a bit and sparked a great convo with my roommate on the nature of these things/beings/ideas that we call gods. There are many names for them and even more perspectives on what they are. A friend recently asked me how I see the divinity as a witch, whether it was as one divine source of all things, a dual aspect idea of male/female and light/dark, as many separate beings each with their own reality, or something else, to which I replied (in a nutshell) "yes". I see it as all of those.

Every religion with it's own link to the divine has boxed in how the god/dess/s can manifest in their reality. Sometimes they even go so far as to not box it in which usually results in a bigger box. Categorization. We need it to comprehend. We also sometimes try to move beyond boxed thinking and it can be tricky. Really hard to put to words. But we will always manage to wrap some sort of form around it in order to allow it the place in our lives that need it.

My own thinking trends towards models that I have built from my own experience of God. I choose to cling very loosely to belief and go with what I know. I know that I have experienced connection to a source concept of God. My whole being is one with that source. Quantum theory supports this. Everything is matter and energy, and matter is just energy condensed in a way. The logic follows that everything is energy and we are all a part of each other. We come from God and God comes from us. Inseparable. I also have experienced light and dark, good and bad, yin and yang, and know that these are just dual faces of God and yet separate entities at the same time. Dual and unified. Very recently I have worked specifically with gods of form and function. Pan, Hades, and Cerridwen. Aspects and archetypes of human experience and a few of the facets of divinity. Yet they are each other and all the same thing. And finally, I have experienced my own god soul. It's that part of me that is divine, closely connected with divinity and divinity in me. A bright flame of godhood that burns in the vessel of my body. Without it I am incomplete. To unite fully with it is to be whole, fully self possessed.

These are my gods. They manifest in many ways and not always in ways I expect. They are allies, friends, teachers and extensions. With them I am co-creating the world I exist in. With their requested assistance I make powerful magick. From them I gain knowledge and understanding. They are essential for my experience of other realms of existence and I am essential to their experience of this physical reality.

Yesterday I talked about falling in love with the world. In many creation myths and particularly the Feri version the goddess creates the world out of an act of love. If then I truly fall in love with the world, what amazing things will we create together?

I am going to find out.


Fall in Love with the World

It's been a while since my last post. Today I read many of the new postings on my Adopted Mom's blog, My Little Room, and really felt very happy that an element that used to be such a fun and personally important part of my weekly routine of blog reading had returned. I hadn't realized how far gone i'd been from the blogger's sphere. 

So now I sit here in my cozy room in my cozy house listening to music from my early years (lol, post-highschool and "early adult" years) and fully enveloped in good feelings and a happy, whole, contented settling in my other part/vibrational otherself/soul. 

I've been ridiculously optimistic about life lately and it's been a great change. I don't know exactly what to credit for that as a great many things just seem to be good, even in spite of everyday concerns over typical, mundane things. The stars have literally aligned for me along with those floaty bits we call planets. Big things are up and coming with the coven and my ongoing magickal edumacation and every day seems to bring new magick and mystery where before things were just too muggle. My job with the spice shop is good, far from perfect, but really good and I have a lot to be thankful for with having a job. Money is just as tight as it always has been, but somehow it doesn't weigh on me like it has in the past. I'm creating a home and loving every minute of it. I have been really aware of how many amazing people are friends of mine and how many of them are so very unique and amazing. The frackin' holidays have really brought in some great memories alongside the usual frustrations that always rear their ugly heads. I've rediscovered some old artsy loves and started enjoying them. The sky really does seem to be the limit. 

This crazy optimism has been really helpful for me in my interactions with so many friends who seem to be having a rough time of it right now. It's allowed me to be able to really listen and hopefully offer help that is beneficial in some way. I like beaing able to be there for friends. I haven't always been emotionally and physically able to be that person, but lately its been easy and I'm happy to be able to help my friends out in that way. 

The muggle new year 2010 holds a lot of promise. I look forward to discovering new adventures, making new memories, seeing old friends, starting new and healthier pursuits and hobbies and even getting more involved in environmental activism and the gay and pagan communities. The possibilities abound for co-creating amazing change in the world this year. We are ready for it as a global community. actively involving oneself in such an amazing venture is the stuff of dreams. I feel compelled to weave the positive energy i am drenched in right now into the information network out there in the hopes that new and bigger things can happen. 

I want to fall in love with the World this year. And as cheesy and New Agey as all of this sounds right now, its heartfelt and kind of intoxicating. Find your connection to the people in your life and get drunk on happiness. 


In Praise of Kala

Recent events in my everyday life have prompted the use of and appreciation of Kala. Kala is a state of being where one is free and unrestricted by the turmoil that is derived of inner and outer influences. "Making Kala" is a ritual most often found in Feri traditions and one that my own tradition makes use of. Here is an exerpt from FeriTradition.org that gives a little better explanation-

"The Kala rite is arguably one of the most important pieces of Feri tradition practice. From the Hawaiian word meaning “to loosen, untie, or absolve” this simple ritual provides us with an opportunity to transform negative energies and blockages within ourselves, as well as to reclaim the power that these blocks have “tied up” within our energy bodies."

Yesterday I had an interview with a company looking to open a new store in Littleton, CO where I live. Prior to driving out to the place where I would be meeting the Employee Relations rep I sat in my daily practice of breathing and meditation and followed it up with the Kala ritual. Now, I don't do this as regularly as I should, which is a mystery even to me, but every time I do I remember just how amazing it feels to release yourself from the limitations and stress that we all inflict on ourselves. It's literally a feeling of becoming lighter. The phrase "walking on sunshine" comes to mind. K, I feel cheesy now.

Following that, I took off for the interview and mentally prepped myself for the questions I knew they'd be asking. In the past, when I've done this pre-interview run through I always end up getting my nerves going. Funny, it didn't happen this time. When I arrived at the store, I was asked to wait for a few minutes as I was about ten minutes early. While standing there I found myself chatting away to two of the employees as easily as if I'd been hanging around all day. Kinda odd for me, the introverted Gemini.

After meeting the rep and store manager and beginning the interview I noticed that the entire 45 minute interview went smoothly and was completely in my control. The conversation went where I wanted it to and I was able to highlight various aspects of myself and my work history that I knew would help them understand what I was bringing to the table. The entire thing was a totally new experience for me. Never have I connected right off the bat with two people who were scrutinizing my job life over the last few years. I credit this with being kala.

The results of the interview were standard (we love what we see however we do need to finalize blah blah and will be calling everyone next Tuesday) except for the offer of the full-time key holder/supervisor position. I was a little surprised, but told them that yes, I was very interested in that position and would prefer it. Handshakehandshakesonicetomeetyouthankyouforcomingin, and I was done. What a breeze.

This experience has shown me just how much staying kala reflects back to us in everyday situations. Had I not been so present for that interview, hell, for that hour, I might not have made the impression that I did or gotten the attention that was needed to set off a flag with my name on it over the full-time position. The inner skeptic in me wants to dissect the whole thing and play devil's advocate, and it will for a while, but the experience itself has been enough to change my thinking on this ritual. What might have seemed unneeded or blah before has now shown me just how useful to daily living it is. And that is why this post is titled "In Praise of Kala."

Here's a few sites if you want more info on being kala-

And, as Shen-tat likes to say, stay kala, my friends!


Bird Busta Move

Ha ha! I just got a mini performance from a red-headed House Finch as I sat sipping coffee and smoking. It was cool! 

I had just relaxed and was enjoying all the birds chirping in the neighborhood in the "early morning" light. Lol, early morning. Despite all my moving around a very sociable guy dropped down right in front of me and gave a few inquisitorial tweets. After saying hello and giving him the go for it mental telepathy thing I always do and that never works he busted out with a bird rhyme. It was pretty. While I'm not inclined to take a Snow White approach to this kind of thing, I have to admit I did enjoy it. When nature gets right up in your face, you had better enjoy it. 

And that was the extent of it. No encore, but that's okay. I'm hoping the local humming bird will stop by next and get a little friendly with me. 


Beltania 2009

I'm back, all! The last two weeks have been a bit of a blur. Final preparations for Beltania, getting things in order, and riding the creative wave that carried all the way through this past weekend. 

My first foray into paper mache went over really well. As part of my coven's participation in Beltania, a local Colorado pagan festival, we performed a ritual for the full moon in Scorpio utilizing the energies of the Egyptian god Osiris and goddess Hathor. In order to expand the ritual drama we would be enacting, full costumes needed to be crafted. So my project was to create the white crown of Upper Egypt, the horned headpiece of Hathor, and the shen, a tool of the gods that was symbolic of eternity and grants protection, that Hathor would carry and use to grant eternity and protection to the participants of the ritual and later to raise the dead god to life. Each of these pieces came out beautifully and so much better than I really had expected they would. Yeah, there was definitely blood, sweat, and almost tears that went into it, but it was so worth it. I spent 40+ hours on it, granted at a moderate pace. 

The festival had so many amazing things about it. Friday started off in true Mercury retrograde but ended up with us getting to the festival on time and all set to perform our full moon ritual with the lovely Wendy Rule! It went off beautifully with many of the participants really finding meaning in it and connecting with Hathor and Osiris. It was really amazing to see. Afterwards, we partied! Much needed after all the hard work that everyone put into the ritual preparations. The post ritual celebration also opened up to some really great conversations with other pagans at the festival and drinks all around. This was one of my favorite parts to the weekend. 

The all-night drumming circle was another highlight. At midnight, the witching hour, a bonfire was lit in the Wild Meadows and drummers setup and started their rhythmic beating. People immediately flocked to the circle and began dancing. It was an awesome sight. Fire dancers moved around the outside of the ring of light creating mesmerizing displays of whirling energy and pagans danced. Danced just like they did around the Beltane fires a thousand years ago. And all the time the flicker of the bonfire lit up the drummers as they beat the drums and chanted songs to the goddess and the earth. It felt like a living rendition of the Beltane fire celebrations in Marion Zimmer Bradley's book The Mists of Avalon. I stayed through the frenzied fire dancing, the call and respond of the peacocks, and the quiet meditation as the dawn started to show in the east. 

Saturday started off with a massive hangover and only four hours of sleep. My plans for attending the workshops that morning really went to shit. After breakfast and some quiet relaxing with fellow camping buddies and coven members I headed to Merchant Row to check out what was being peddled on the green. I found more cool stuff than I could believe. Masks, drums, staffs, wands, statues, books, cloaks of all kinds. It was inspiring. I now want to do every kind of craft out there. Just what I need. Lol. Then came the may pole ritual! It was fun and crazy. Joy from Living Earth did a beautiful job conducting the ritual with her partner who's name I can't remember to save my life. It was great though. Our own Shen-tat even participated in the ritual as the holder of the Northern energies during the weaving of the ribbons. So many people got to participate and it ended up being a lot of fun. 

Come seven o'clock, we were treated to the Australian witch and pagan folklore singer Wendy Rule. It's really hard to relate just how awesome her singing is. Listening to her on CD is just not the same. Her concert began with the circle casting and calling of the elements and ended with a devocation of the elements and a downpour of rain. Magick would not keep it at bay any longer. But that's what you get when you camp. It ended up being a good excuse to huddle in the Taj Mahal at camp and drink some more and relate funny stories. Mention of a book of ghost stories came up and went down on the lists as part of our luggage for Dragonfest. Then it was off to a very cold evening in the tent and another short night. 

Everything really wrapped up on Sunday with more people thanking and complementing the coven on Friday's ritual and the costumery which really helped my ego to get nice and fat. It was such a beautiful morning held all kinds of interactions with the pagans hanging out and waiting to leave camp. After a few goodbyes we packed up our campsite and got ourselves onto the road to head back to Denver. 

Coming back from that mini vacation really was hard to do. My mind and spirit really wanted to stay there and revel in the openness and community that I felt while I was there. It was healing for me and something I will now get to look forward to every year. But all good things must come to an end. What is important is what I take home from that experience and how I choose to improve my life with it. Strength is the quality that has come to my mind each time I ask myself what I have come back with. Strength of being, strength of character, knowing that we are alive and strong in the world and that we can do whatever we set our minds to. 


Death and Rebirth All in the Planter

K, so I thought my little green growing plant friends had bitten the dust. All of this due to the fact that I put them out in sunlight WAY too early. Thankfully though, when everything looked grim and dead and dry, I noticed a few small roots in the bottom of the container and decided to try a last resort of soaking the dirt mass in its totality. Turns out, that was exactly what the little fuckers needed. So, I've lost three of the original sprouts, but the big long one in the center has revived and three new shoots have popped up. It's like an episode of ER- birth and death all in the same episode, only my story is more like birth and death in the same plastic planter. Sigh, drama of the little plant people. I should air a plant soap opera. I'm truly losing it now. Enjoy the pics!


Honey and Cinnamon

Yeah, I've been saying this for a while and now I've found some interesting information all piled into one article thanks to a friend of mine. I'll be putting a lot of these remedies to work in the next year. Check 'em out. 

As a bee-keeper, I can testify to the marvelous medicinal value of honey. However, I have never used it in conjunction with Cinnamon. Sounds like a great idea to me. 

Honey is the only food on the planet that will not spoil or rot. It will do what some call turning to sugar. In reality honey is always honey. However, when left in a cool dark place for a long time it will do what I rather call "crystallizing". 

When this happens I loosen the lid, boil some water, and sit the honey container in the hot water, off the heat and let it liquefy. It is then as good as it ever was. 

Never boil honey or put it in a microwave. To do so will kill the enzymes in the honey. 

Cinnamon and Honey 

~ Bet the drug companies won't like this one getting around.~ 

Facts on Honey and Cinnamon: 

It is found that a mixture of honey and Cinnamon cures most diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries of the world. Scientists of today also accept honey as a 'Ram Ban' (very effective) medicine for all kinds of diseases. 

Honey can be used without any side effects for any kind of diseases. 

Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients. 

Weekly World News, a magazine in Canada, in its issue dated 17 January,1995 has given the following list of diseases that can be cured by honey and cinnamon as researched by western scientists: 

HEART DISEASES: Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of jelly and jam, and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries and saves the patient from heart attack. Also, those who have already had an attack, if they do this process daily, they are kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of the above process relieves loss of breath and strengthens the heart beat. In America and Canada, various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as you age, the arteries and veins lose their flexibility and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the arteries and veins. 

ARTHRITIS: Arthritis patients may take daily, morning and night, one cup of hot water with two spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If taken regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research conducted at the Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon Honey and half teaspoon Cinnamon powder before breakfast, they found that within a week, out of the 200 people so treated, practically 73 patients were totally relieved of pain, and within a month, mostly all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis started walking without pain. 

BLADDER INFECTIONS: Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder. 

CHOLESTEROL: Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 
16 ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient, was found to reduce the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours. As mentioned for arthritic patients, if taken three times a day, any chronic cholesterol is cured. According to information received in the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol. 

COLDS: Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses. 

UPSET STOMACH: Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears stomach ulcers from the root. 

GAS: According to the studies done in India and Japan, it is revealed that if Honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas. 

IMMUNE SYSTEM: Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacterial and viral diseases. 

INDIGESTION: Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals. 

INFLUENZA: A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural ' Ingredient' which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu. 

LONGEVITY: Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the ravages of old age. Take four spoons of honey, one spoon of cinnamon powder, and three cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink 1/4 cup, three to four times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans also increase and even a 100 year old, starts performing the chores of a 20-year-old. 

PIMPLES: Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with warm water. If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root. 

SKIN INFECTIONS: Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections. 

WEIGHT LOSS: Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach, and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup of water. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet. 

CANCER: Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder for one month three times a day. 

FATIGUE: Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens, who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3:00 P.M. when the vitality of the body starts to decrease, increases the vitality of the body within a week. 

BAD BREATH: People of South America, first thing in the morning, gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their breath stays fresh throughout the day. 

HEARING LOSS: Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts restores hearing. Remember when we were kids? We had toast with real butter and cinnamon sprinkled on it! 

You might want to share this information with a friend, kinfolks and loved ones. Everyone needs healthy help information ~ what they do with it is up to them ~ share with your email buddies!!!!!


Reinvention 2009

Today I spent the afternoon deleting my accounts with various dating and hookup sites I've been a member with for the last three to four years. The reason for it was kind of obscure even to me. Each disconnect email asked specifically why I wouldn't be using their service anymore and all I had for them was "Other" or "No Reason." So why did I feel this need to wipe myself from the gay dating radar?

A few things come to mind and may help explain the reason. First, I really haven't gotten anything good out of them for a while now save a good short-termed dating relationship that ended with the guy moving away. Yes, they were all the source of some crazy, fun, and interesting hookups of which the actual number is even eluding me now, but none of them were really great. One ended up costing me a large sum of money and a horde of stress and drama that I never asked for. The first was somewhat life-changing as it was my first foray into sex and resulted in a regular fuckbuddy, but that got old quickly. And all the rest were odd with their own twist but taught me something else about life. 

The second thing that comes to mind is that my direction in life at the moment is focused more on coven, job, and rebuilding. Yes, people do carry on with dating and relationships even in situations like mine, but think of the energy I will save on a daily basis by not having to worry whether any of the ten emails I received last week will be "the One," "the Next Big One," or "the Disaster." Also, by taking myself out of the dating pool I eliminate, for the most part, the attachments that stem from curious and interested guys who won't let it drop or who haven't spoken up. So, for the benefit of my personal focus and the conservation of energy I took those steps. 

Third, by taking myself off the radar I now have the opportunity to work on me, both internally and externally, magically and mundanely. After getting to a point in my life where I have reinvented myself, I can decide to start pursuing dating again, online or in person. The new levels of confidence and the fresh perspective when I come back into those circles will have a great energy and will be productive instead of counter-productive like they are now. The image of the Hermit card in the Tarot keeps popping to mind today and I guess that is where my focus is right now. 

I can feel the positive effects of this decision already. I don't think I really had a grip on how much stress those sites were dealing me. I mean, who really thinks of those sites as stress bubbles? But I've dumped it, and I'm feeling great. Went through my email today on Gmail, Yahoo! and Hotmail/MSN and unsubscribed from tons of newsletters and junk mail and the odd assortment of product emails and cleaned out the trash. That also felt amazing! Who knows how far I'll take this Spring cleaning fever! For now this feels like enough. May attack AOL tomorrow. Lol


Yoga of the Rat

In the busy streets of a thriving city there flows a constant stream of traffic passing over miles of pavement and concrete every day. If you follow the dripping of the exhaust pipes and leaking trails of faulty oil tanks you'll find it flows into the gutters and down into the sewers and tunnels that spread beneath the city above. In this deep, otherworldly place you will find the denizens of the under belly. Bats, mice, the odd raccoon, a few pasty white alligators, the adventuring cat, insects of all kinds, and the rat. A rat that makes a huge discovery in this short story.

Don't think that this rat is the only one of his kind in the Underbelly. Of course there are others. Rodents are known for their ability to multiply in crazy numbers usually the fault of over active female rat partners, the ever horny guy rats, and the rat whores, a skanky brand of rodent that peddle their hairy butts around at bends in the pipe and intersections of tunnel works. Occasionally you may find a bit of lipstick in the bunch which they have copied from the gorgeous human females in the Above. But I've no desire to get into their trade here. That's another story. The point is, rats are many and constantly striving for a one up in the busy world of trash hording and refuse collecting.

Our rat was like any other out there. Working the daily grind, catching up on the latest news as it was passed around, venturing up to the city above for a new trinket or some spicy Indian food from a restaurant down three blocks from his house, and other odd daily activities. With these elements of his daily life came a certain amount of risk. The most obvious was the stereotypical menace of rodent life, Madame Pussycat. Many days seemed to end with a night at the local bar retelling the near misses of the day from a run in with the fuzzy pain in the butt. Life was good, but there was always something out there to make it tough or difficult.

It was at this bar on a Wednesday night that the rat met a cockroach tossing down a pint of whatever had been spilled in the street above when its prior owner leaned over the curb to blow his dinner into the street. This roach was definitely in an upbeat mood and when our buddy asked him what was good in his life the roach ranted and raved about his mad skill in avoiding the traditional dangers that come with everyday life. The rat couldn't believe there was a way to avoid the natural dangers of life on a daily basis and asked the roach to explain. The roach admitted he wasn't really avoiding anything, but with a new regime he did daily he had developed his senses and physical prowess to a level that gave him a one up on the gators, cats, and lurking birds. The rat was totally into this idea and prompted the creepy to give him an address where he could learn this technique.

Around the corner from the MilkBox Mansion and in a much more developed neighborhood complete with its own well maintained mold yards and automatic lighting for the street he found a small studio with a sign over the front that said SewerPrime Yoga. A new word, this "yoga." He checked himself in at the front desk and walked in to a class just getting ready to start. A very limber bat babe was stretching out at the head of classroom and immediately gave him a mat to plop down amongst the growing crowd of students. Positioning himself on the mat, the rat waited for the class to begin. With a quiet "welcome" the bat took her place at the front and began leading them through some quiet meditation. After the meditation began the most odd and disturbing sequences of bodily contortions you've ever seen and all seeming to be utterly pointless. Our rat didn't make a fuss though and worked through the random "asanas" and poses until it felt like his whole body was going to collapse. At the end of the class and with a parting namaste from the group the rat headed out shaking his head and wondering what the roach saw in this stuff.

The next day the rat noticed how much better he felt and how much more tuned in his ratty senses were. His altered state even allowed for him to finish up his daily dirty work early and stop in at the bar for a drink before heading home. The roach was there this evening and was impressed the rat actually went to the yoga class. The rat mentioned the pleasant side effects and the roach launched into another long rant about the benefits and pluses of his new way of life until the rat was finally convinced he had to go back to the class if for no other reason than to see what would drive the roach to such an obsessive love for this stuff. Which is what happened for the next four weeks until the rat started noticing how much more on top of his game he was and also how slow that fat gator seemed to be going these days. Life was getting a little easier. And with that he was totally sold on the idea and is still going as I'm writing this.

What's the point of this crazy ass story? Not really any point. I wanted a story about a rat that loved yoga. Hopefully I'll be taking yoga firmly in hand for a four week period myself which will then lead to a routine practice like my rat buddy.

Oh, and I don't have a rat. Just in case you were wondering.


New Friends

My little green things have sprouted! Who knows what the hell they are, but it's a grand total of four sprouts that I see in there. These are my seeds from Ostara's ritual, planted to bring an end to the old and birth to the new. I've decided I'm going to keep updating the pictures of my little green buddies and posting them here with updates. Stay tuned!


Commit to This

Commitment : an agreement or pledge to do something in the future ; especially : an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date b: something pledged c: the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled commitment to a cause>

I've been mulling this word and its definition around in my head for a variety of reasons for the last few days. The above definition is from Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary. The reason I ponder this is directly related to little things (and occasionally big things)  in my life that I've committed to in the past and always seemed to fail so far from the goal. Don't think this whole thing is going to be a rant on how negatively impacted my life and consciousness are because of past missteps. I'm really trying to delve into the meaning of "commitment" and understand, in a public audience sort of way, how one can work through this issue. 

Biggest problem with following through on commitment for me, right now, is my promise to myself to keep a daily practice going in an effort to understand who I am, become more aware of my body, and then keep myself present in my body so as to promote deeper growth and higher levels of awareness in myself. This is something I know I desire, and being a part-time control freak, want to master early on in my life. So why so hard? There are solid weeks where I fail to meditate at all and sometimes just a day or two at a time slips by with my not even having a thought towards my 10 minutes of sitting with myself focusing on breath and body. Part of me thinks this must be because I don't really want this that bad. Something I was told a lot growing up. Another part of me screams that the energy is there I just haven't unlocked my will to move forward yet and need to pull down what is blocking me. Still a third part of my mind says that it is merely a lesson to be learned and with continued perseverance I will prevail. 

Other areas I've been less than perfect have involved other "me" things like committing to a workout schedule, better eating habits, taking time for Me, and improving relationships between friends and family. All of these are things I know I want and yet skip them over completely. Rarely, when other people are involved, usually in a work or school or social group setting, will I fail in my commitment, whatever that may be. Always there is a follow through and total completion of whatever task I'm given. Bosses have learned to rely on me and friends and family feel comfortable asking me to do something, anything. At least I think they do. Lol. So, is my motivator other people? Am I not capable of doing what I want to do? Do I think so little of myself that I don't value what I've promised myself? Maybe.

The Internet has been a bit of a waste in answering these questions, but About.com was fairly helpful in the article written by Keath Low titled "ADD and Commitments - Keep Those Commitments..." and I've included some of his advice here. His first piece is "Say Yes only when you mean Yesand I can say I don't have an issue with this. I will rarely take on more than I can handle, and I have no excuse for not being able to do most of the things I commit to doing for myself. His second bit is sensible, and that is to break the task down into steps and set up a schedule to complete. God, I have so many issues with schedules and sticking to them. Issues, people. Despite all of this, it's great advice. It would be wise to try implementing his simple system for a few things and see how it works out. 

I went on to read "ADD and Self Care" and found that I do most of these things or could easily implement them into my routine. No problems there. But what has caught my attention is that these and a few other articles I found all reference ADD and ADHD as common reasons for this problem. Please! Could I really have these? Granted, I've never been tested for it and I did show bad signs of being ADD in high school, but I've always been of the opinion that it was a type of learned behavior that could be reversed with a little disciplined thinking and operating. 

So this obviously leads to further questions, but I'll save these for another time and post. For the time being I think it would help if I began some further research and meditation on what issues I may have with treating myself with respect. If I don't respect those I work for or seek to learn from, I take nothing away from the experience. The same applies to myself. A failure to put value in what I want for myself will only result in constant failure and a  lack of following through on my commitments. 

So I leave this post kind of open on the end and hopefully will have a closing land somewhere in another post down the road. Life is about constant change, evolution, and self-discovery. Here's to finding more out about myself and gaining a deeper awarenss of what makes me tick. 

Thanks for listening in. 


Perfect for Today

Fuck You Very Much - Lyrics

Lily Allen

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind 
And look a bit harder 
Cause we’re so uninspired 
So sick and tired 
Of all the hatred you harbor 

So you say it’s not okay to be gay 
Well I think you’re just evil 
You’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces 
You’re point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very very much 
Cause we hate what you do 
And we hate your whole crew 
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very very much 
Cause your words don’t translate 
And it’s getting quite late 
So please don’t stay in touch

Do you get, do you get a little kick out of being small-minded? 
You want to be like your father 
It’s approval you’re after 
Well that’s not how you’ll find it 

Do you, do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful 
Cause there’s a hole where your soul should be 
You’re losing control of it 
And it’s really distasteful

Fuck you, fuck you very very much 
Cause we hate what you do 
And we hate your whole crew 
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very very much 
Cause your words don’t translate 
And it’s getting quite late 
So please don’t stay in touch 

You say, you think we need to go to war
Well you're already in one.
Cause it's people like you that need to get sued
No-one wants your opinion

Fuck you, fuck you very very much 
Cause we hate what you do 
And we hate your whole crew 
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very very much 
Cause your words don’t translate 
And it’s getting quite late 
So please don’t stay in touch

For more on Lily Allen and to hear her music check out her iLike page and give "Fuck You Very Much" a listen.


Happy St. Paddy's Day

This one's for the snakes! And may you all get a little leprechaun luck in your pockets today. Keep an eye out!


New Look 2009

I don't remember when I changed the blog's look last, but I felt like I needed a dramatic shift. Thus the lack of dark colors and the now stark white slate with blood red highlights ready for my colorful or bleak ramblings. I'm still doing some adjustments on the script for this design that I downloaded from www.btemplates.com. Once that's done it should flow smoothly. Biggest itch right now is the lack of spacing between sections of the sidebars. Flaw in the original design. A few tweaks and I should get it fixed.

Let me know if there are any parts you find hard to use or annoying. I'll probably just tell you to suck it up, but don't let that discourage you. Lol Also, I did lose my site list when uploading this new template so it will be a bit before I get that up and running. Oh for the days of Photoshop. This thing would be in top notch performance if I had all the right tools. Someday soon.

Thanks for reading guys. Readership is up to a high daily average now. Why you people want to read this dirge, I don't know, but I love you for it. Lol

I Freakin' Love These Guys

So I've been mulling around in my head a possible post for about a week now and while I could really do multiple posts on my idea, I've decided one will suffice. 

I have many wise, intelligent, and smart people in my life which some might say I've been "blessed" to meet and others would say I was lucky. I think it's a good mixture of both. Being a person who believes in luck to a limited degree and also one who believes that we meet people based on our will and intention as it is put out to the matrix around us, I take the approach that yes, I am a lucky son of a bitch to have bumped into the people I have and also I am very "blessed," using that as the emotional good feeling type, to have crossed paths with various inspirational and witty individuals. 

Many people come to mind as I think about this and while I'm not in any mood to list each and every one of them, you all know who you are. These people range from my very close family to lifelong friends and all the way to those who I've yet to meet in person or in spirit. They cover all classes and genders, races and titles, dispositions and orientations. They are my own very colorful palate of knowledge, wisdom, and direction. Each different and valuable in their own, sometimes messed up, way. 

Every single one of these people has been a friend, parent, brother, sister, teacher, student, or peer to me, some more than just one of these. There are those who've helped me through rough times of growing up and seeing the other side of the maturation process. Some have been emotionally supportive when life had me down and again when life dealt me all the right cards. A few have sat through my rants and ravings and calmly showed me another side of an issue. Some have never said a thing to me but been around, just in case. All have taught me more about life and still have more to teach me still. Some are complete morons that in their own way show me how not to be and continue to make me love them for simply who they are. Some are brilliant and scare the crap out of me when I realize I may never have that same potential but still give me something to shoot for. I could go on and on. 

I look back on my life almost daily and marvel that I still have not one thing that I regret, not one fact that I would change if I could. All of it has led me to who I am today and while I'm hardly perfect and barely strive for that I am very happy with where I've come from and where I plan to go. Each college buddy, mother, adopted family member, best friend, and dumb shit I've come across has influenced me in some way. Some would say many of these have been negative influences, and some would take my perspective on it and say that every one of them has had some good influence on me in one way or another to a large or small degree. Why change a thing?

I hope that I continue to attract and draw influential and wise people to me. For those that have come and gone, I hope they do some good in other people's lives like they have mine. For those that are still around, I plan on keep them around for as long as they can stand me. And I also hope that I continue to take the time to appreciate and reflect on how glad I am that they are around. That being said I plan to have another blog post like this in the future, just as a reminder. 

Wise people are able to spread their love of one tree to the entire forest -- and, then, to the Source of the forest. Wise people are able to spread their love of one moment to all moments -- and, then, to the Source of all moments.

Early Morning Conversation



I was up late and decided to catch up on some recent blogs my friends have posted and found this little dandy on my adopted mom's site!  So, because it's insanely late and I plan on getting up at 8 tomorrow, I sat here and filled this out. Who am I kidding though? I loved it.  


1. What is your salad dressing of choice?
Custom made stuff is the best, but I'm partial to a little oil and salt and peppahar!
2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Way too many to try to list. I haven't picked a fave yet. 
3.What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Pizza and Beer
4. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Pepperoni and cheese and sometimes mushrooms
5. What do you like to put on your toast?

1. How many televisions are in your house?
4 at the moment
2.What color cell phone do you have?
1. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Not surgically
3. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Probably a sofa and some chests at a friend's
4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Nope. Been unconscious, though. 

1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
I guess. I already know how it's going to happen so when would just be cool. 
2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Justin, Brian, or Aarron
3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
What type of hot sauce is it?

1. How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
2. Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
I have so many minor run-ins with the cops I don't remember
3. Last person you talked to?
Mark before he went to bed. 
4.Last person you hugged?
Val. She had some weird hug thing she wanted to try from an online article. 

1. Season?
Tough. Big fan of Summer, but I do like the cool down of Fall, not to mention its pure witchyness!
2. Day of the week?
Monday. The week always looks better from the start. 
3. Month?
June. My birthday, which is becoming less and less important the older I get, lands in the middle. 

1. Missing someone?
A lot of people. Being a hermit sucks after a while.
2. Mood?
Contemplative. Soaking up all kinds of new ideas. 
3. What are you listening to?
4. Watching?
Saw Watchmen a couple hours ago. 
5. Worrying about?
The lack of a job, the debt I'm getting into with a couple of minor companies, and whether or not I'm passing up any opportunities because I'm a blond dipshit sometimes.

1. First place you went this morning?
2. What's the last movie you saw?
Again, Watchmen. It was amazing. 
3. Do you smile often?
When I'm consciously thinking about it. Otherwise I look very pissed off. Lol
4. Sleeping Alone Tonight?
Yeah. Sucks. I miss nights spent with someone else. 

1. Do you always answer your phone?
Rarely. If I want to talk, I pick up. 
2. Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
One of my bar homies. 
3. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
White-blue. I've always liked the shock value of really bright irises. 
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
5. Do you own a digital camera?
Yes, it's not working though. 
6. Have you ever had a pet fish?
When I was three. 
7. Favorite Christmas song.
Carol of the Bells
8. What's on your wish list for your birthday?
People to actually show up for once. 
9. Can you do push ups?
10. Can you do a chin up?
One...or two...
11. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
12. Do you have any saved texts?
One, it's all my phoen will hold right now. 
13. Ever been in a car wreck?
Gods, yes. 
14. Do you have an accent?
Not until I hear a British one, then I'm stuck with that for a few days. 
15. What is the last song to make you cry?
Moon River. My best friend left me for California on that song.
16. Plans tonight?
Going to bed in a few. 
17. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yeah. At least a couple of times. Also called a Dark Night of the Soul. 
18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
I have a serious lack of money here, people! I'm not out buying things! Lol
19) Have you ever been given roses?
No, but I'd probably shred them if I did. I hate stereotypical romance. 
20) Current worry?
21. Current hate right now?
How fucked up the country is right now and its immediate reflection on my life. 
22. Met someone who changed your life?
Several. Check back tomorrow, I'll have a whole blog post on it. 
23. How will you bring in the New Year?
Hopefully at a bar with pals.
24. What song represents you?
Defying Gravity from Wicked
25. Name three people who might complete this?
Schelli? She reads for sure, and maybe Val if she's bored, and hopefully you, my unknown reader. Yes, I know you're there. My traffic trackers tell me you poke your head in from time to time. Lol
26. What is something your friends make fun of you for?
Liking men and their hot, naked bodies. 'Course, I'm not one to hold back on the fodder for their cannons. Lol

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