Today I spent the afternoon deleting my accounts with various dating and hookup sites I've been a member with for the last three to four years. The reason for it was kind of obscure even to me. Each disconnect email asked specifically why I wouldn't be using their service anymore and all I had for them was "Other" or "No Reason." So why did I feel this need to wipe myself from the gay dating radar?
A few things come to mind and may help explain the reason. First, I really haven't gotten anything good out of them for a while now save a good short-termed dating relationship that ended with the guy moving away. Yes, they were all the source of some crazy, fun, and interesting hookups of which the actual number is even eluding me now, but none of them were really great. One ended up costing me a large sum of money and a horde of stress and drama that I never asked for. The first was somewhat life-changing as it was my first foray into sex and resulted in a regular fuckbuddy, but that got old quickly. And all the rest were odd with their own twist but taught me something else about life.
The second thing that comes to mind is that my direction in life at the moment is focused more on coven, job, and rebuilding. Yes, people do carry on with dating and relationships even in situations like mine, but think of the energy I will save on a daily basis by not having to worry whether any of the ten emails I received last week will be "the One," "the Next Big One," or "the Disaster." Also, by taking myself out of the dating pool I eliminate, for the most part, the attachments that stem from curious and interested guys who won't let it drop or who haven't spoken up. So, for the benefit of my personal focus and the conservation of energy I took those steps.
Third, by taking myself off the radar I now have the opportunity to work on me, both internally and externally, magically and mundanely. After getting to a point in my life where I have reinvented myself, I can decide to start pursuing dating again, online or in person. The new levels of confidence and the fresh perspective when I come back into those circles will have a great energy and will be productive instead of counter-productive like they are now. The image of the Hermit card in the Tarot keeps popping to mind today and I guess that is where my focus is right now.
I can feel the positive effects of this decision already. I don't think I really had a grip on how much stress those sites were dealing me. I mean, who really thinks of those sites as stress bubbles? But I've dumped it, and I'm feeling great. Went through my email today on Gmail, Yahoo! and Hotmail/MSN and unsubscribed from tons of newsletters and junk mail and the odd assortment of product emails and cleaned out the trash. That also felt amazing! Who knows how far I'll take this Spring cleaning fever! For now this feels like enough. May attack AOL tomorrow. Lol
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