A Question About Subculture

Or at least that's the title I could settle on for this post.

The last couple days I've been listening to George Michael. I don't know what it is about his music but it always takes me back to nights at JR's, the local gay bar hotspot (one of them), and all the fun I have when I'm there. The atmosphere is friendly, the drinks are good and always heavy if you treat your bartenders right and show face on a regular basis, and the music is a constant blend of anything modern back to the 80's.

JR's was the first "gay" place I was taken to by a buddy of mine. I'd only been out of the closet for around 5-6 months and he was determined to get me indoctrinated and laid. Thank goodness. My first reaction to the hopping little joint was awe. I'd been in bars off and on since turning 21 a few months prior, but they were mostly cowboy bars and those places definitely had a different feel to them back then. This place was friendly, lively, filled with guys kissing guys, girls holding girl's hands, all the music that threatened to ignite a holy gay fire in your heart, and shirtless bartenders. Paradise is a gross understatement. But what really got me was the realization that I could be every ounce the gay man that I was and I would get nothing but cheers and encouragement from the people around me. I don't know that anything like that really exists for my friends who are straight. Maybe.

This brought up a question in my mind. Are we as human beings driven to find our own kind in the different "subcultures" that exist under and outside of the over-culture that runs the world today? Is this how we find our diversity and yet maintain a security found in people who are "just like us"?

While many people strive to be "normal" no-one that I know of would really want to truly be normal. To be so would be to cease striving against the norm and would result in a total lack of life or drive. Essentially, life would stop and whether the physical body followed suit or not that person would die inside. Some people achieve some level of this, but most of them eventually snap out of it again. The human doesn't want to die.

My post tonight is short, but hopefully thought-provoking.

Winter and Wonderland

I love this weather we're getting right now across the US. Here in Colorado it's coming down in a fine mist. Muthafuckin' Christmas snow in February. I will never understand why we're always two months behind with the weather. Whatever, I'll enjoy it while I can. Don't get me wrong, I am a little tired of winter, but nights like this spark the imagination. It apparently also sparks a sex drive and self-analyzing thought processes.

It may just be that it's Saturday and everyone wants to be out clubbing and socializing (or at least they do in my world), but I seem to have this unquenchable desire to listen to beat-heavy, hip-twisting music of the raunchy sort. I blame this on Rihanna's new song "S&M" (see below) and on a need to get the shag on with anyone of the male gender. This led to a whole parade on Facebook of some of my favorites. Definitely all songs I'd love to do the deed to. Does the song "Porn Star Dancing" properly communicate exactly where I'm at right now?

This is where the "Wonderland" comes into it. Anytime I start self-analyzing it turns into some weird, tripped out adventure into oblivion, much like Lewis Carroll's world. With all this sex on the brain it would appear that I was a perfectly normal gay man in his mid-20's.... holy shit, I'm 25... But where it gets weird is where you consider that I have next to no desire to go out and pursue guys. At least not right now. So my brain is telling me that "yes, Strange, you should go get hot and nasty with the brownchikinbrowncow" but my body is actually telling me "eh, dude, we are so not behind that sentiment." While I have no desire to fully expand on my thought process in a blog on the internet at this exact point in time, I have to wonder if there's a wall between my body and my brain. Are they two separate entities battling for control? Am I really two people with different agendas? Am I an alien? What exactly consists of war between entity pieces? Am I over thinking this? Oh yes.

Enjoy a bit of sexy.

The Wheel

"I am the axel on which the wheel turns."

This was my thought tonight as I drove home from my coffee haunt. Not one that is new for me. I've created a meditation in the past to monitor my position on the "Wheel of Fortune" and without careful attention to it, shit inevitably gets all over the fan blades. So I return to a practice and rite that has given me success in the past. My only question now is what the cost will be to spin the wheel back to fortune and prosperity. We'll see.

Craving Candy... and a Job

I'm up at an ungodly hour and the urge to blog is on me again. Some day I'll figure it out. I think it may be the mix of the high school playlist on Pandora and way too much time to think. The highlights of the last half hour have been the Verve and good ol' Nick Lachey. Youtube and Vevo are stupid and won't allow an embed of the Verve's video, but Nick's was available so check out the link above and the video below to get an idea of my listening experience.

While you're enjoying the audio hotness of said artists, keep reading.

Since my last legitimate post in September (2010) was in no way an update of any kind, I feel a bit behind. Why, you ask? Because the completionist (thank you Tal for that terminology) in me likes to update and catalog everything it can. Tonight, though, I think I'll try a different approach and not bore you, my invisible and unstimulated readers, into tears with things you most likely already know from my facebook updates and twitter ramblings (all 140 character's worth). So on to the important stuff.

I am plagued, or blessed, with unemployment as of two weeks ago, roughly. I give two possibilities because they are both very possible, to one degree or another... or altogether equally the same... or wholly 100% definite.... play with that paradox 'til your little hooman brain squeals... Despite where my subconscious-led perception takes me, I am adopting a positive approach in a rebellious act of middle-finger defiance to the chaotic outer dark entities who threw the dice on this job situation in the first place. I'm sure they enjoy it as much as I do. We've got a very special relationship going. I've taken on the view that the best direction for me is a mostly new one, fresh with undiscovered, ripened possibilities. The fact that I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing or where this is going is quite unimportant really. Who cares? The blessing is found in the reinvention of myself and the life I encapsulate "myself" in allowing new things in and old, unused things a way out the back door. The plague side of it is mostly a reaction to being in the "unemployment" situation again. I've been there, done that so many times, but each time I've done the same old thing with the same eventual result. Quote me the definition of insanity and I just might feast on your eyeballs. My solution- avoid the plague.

My thought process has been as follows- depression, fuck depression I'll win the lotto, I wonder if I can get a job as an escort, I wonder who's hiring within a five minute drive from my home, depression (again), I should call someone, maybe I'll sell my art, fuck I don't have a decent portfolio going right now, remember to work on portfolio later, check facebook, check online job listings, google top ten jobs to work from home, depression (yet again), damn I've got a lot of bills, those damn dead people don't have to deal with this shit, maybe I'll watch a scary movie, yeah I'll play the lotto, this damn economy better shape up soon, I need food.

Astute readers will notice that sex doesn't enter in there at all. That's right, I've literally not been thinking about sex at the usual frequency. And now back to what we all really want to read about.

I've found that with my options really open at the moment the one thing different this time from previous unemployment dilemmas is the fact that I don't want to pick up and move to a new location. I like where I'm at and want to find a way to stick it out in my current home. I'm also very much in the mood to win the lotto. The Colorado lottery is currently at 20 million and I'd be very happy to take home a 1 million dollar slice of that. In fact, I'm going to keep playing until I snag that prize. I know, all the odds fall against me, but hey, someone's gotta win so why not me? Thank you, Universe, in advance for your help with that. My other options are still wide open and will come into effect in short order. In the meantime I'm going to probably have to get any job available to pay the bills, but with all the good things on the horizon (yes, they're there, goddamn it) I don't anticipate needing it for very long.

I love talking about all of this so much I don't want to stop blogging, but a lengthy blog post the readers will not appreciate, so it must come to an end. On a positive note, things will get better even if they have to get worse for a bit to emphasize the good stuff when it rolls in. If you're in the same spot I am right now, hang tight.

Humanity- It's what's for dinner

Banned Zen Sayings

Found this tonight in an old box of tarot cards. These were bits of wisdom I found and held onto when I moved here to CO. They were promptly pulled from where I displayed them in my room while living with my grandparents and tossed into a trash bin. The paper still has the stains on it. Hanging onto this piece of paper has only refreshed old anger, so I'm burning it. However, the sayings on it are valuable to me and I think should be preserved.

- No matter what people say about you, know who you are. Their blame can't injure you, nor can their praise elevate you. You are what you are; nothing anyone can say can change that.

-Perfection isn't found in everything going right, but rather in accepting the beauty of what's happening moment to moment.

- The river flows, the mountain remains motionless. The river can't remain still, nor can the mountain flow. Is one right or wrong? Our dharma (duty) is to do what's ours to do, not to be like others.

- Become aware. It's a good practice to watch life as you would a movie. Be completely involved with it while it's happening, and then leave it behind when it's done. This is the way of detachment.

In Honour of the Male

I went to the woods to find my beloved,
My hair unbound,unbound my very being if not in love for him.
I went to the woods to find my beloved,
But my beloved was not there.
I called in the valley, but he did not answer,
I cried in our grove, but he did not come.
The mountain wolves found me, they hunted me for their prey.
The wolves chased me back to my home.

I charge you, oh brothers and sisters of my tribe,
If you find my beloved, tell him that I am heartsick and beaten.
What is thy beloved more than another beloved?
What is thy beloved more than another beloved that thou doest charge us?

Oh, my beloved is beautiful!
The raging stormy sea for his eyes,
Swimming with green Mother of Pearl,
Framed with thundercloud lashes,
Carrying in aside the threat of Winter's devastation the promise of Summer.
Dark chestnut bark for his hair,
Decked with crimson morning hue,
Bristled as the mighty boar's back,
Soft as the selkie's coat,
An Autumn forest in evening light,
The eclipsed moon rising.
His movement like the young stag,
Gliding and sliding through the forest,
Striding across the heath,
But gentle, oh so gentle, his touch,
Late summer's gossamer on my skin,
Holding fast as the roots of the might oak.
His presence a shining light,
The soft moon's glow on his skin.
Fragrant his embrace like Spring flowers.
His voice a calling bell resonating deep within me.
A seidh-spawn of an earthly norris,
Fairest among men.
This is my friend,
This is my beloved,
Oh brothers and sisters of my tribe.


- Daniel MacKenzie

To the best of my ability, I copied this from the Druidcast podcast to share in text form here. If you want to hear Daniel recite it, check out Episode 39 of the Druidcast podcast.

It's My Freaking Will To...

-See.

-Love.

-Grow.

-Laugh.

-Create.

-Be god.

-Be strong.

-Be inspired.

-Understand.

-Know myself.

-Institute order.

-Be prosperous.

-Post crazy blogs.

-Be unconcerned.

-Have abundant joy.

-Be deserving of lust.

-Be abundantly happy.

-Be deserving of respect.

-Know uncommon things.

-Be surrounded by friends.

-Have more money than I need.

-Have the balls to say "Fuck you."

-Inspire others to empower themselves.

-Be unconcerned with the opinions of everyone else.

-Smile at things that nobody would smile at.

-Be deserving of great knowledge.

-Dance at the edge of all that is.

-Make shit up and laugh at it.

-Reinforce my own worth.

-Connect with the world.

-Keep my own counsel.

-Be deserving of love.

-Be mentally sound.

-Be wholly myself.

-Live in freedom.

-Speak honestly.

-Rule my world.

-Communicate.

-Be powerful.

-Make chaos.

-Be fearless.

-Destroy.

-Inspire.

-Desire.

-Teach.

-Make all this and more happen through practice, discipline and clear thinking.

And thus ends my brain spillage for the evening.

Pens and Paper and Stories

There's a book where your story was written and and read, where your name was woven in with others and loved, where simple embelishment was commonplace. But on a morning wind, cold and angry, the fate that was written was shattered by your hand and the love that wove itself in and around your name recoiled at the action. It was after that you saw that it was not freely given and a fight against a destiny meant a rewrite of the script. Now your name is no longer written, and the ties that were are discarded in haste. As time moves forward, the hand moves backwards and your name becomes an ink spot or coffee stain. From time to time, other pens touch the page with your name but it never goes further than a sentence or two. Lost in jumble of a history of a different course, your only option is to open another book, white pages pure and untouched, and begin to carefully give the name a new home. Only after starting a line or two do you realize that there are smudges on your page. And as you look at the ink, dark and different, swirling in the patterns of your own handprint, you feel a bittersweet comfort knowing that a bit of the book that spawned your name has found its way into a new history. Maybe in time the stains on your hand will fade and each day will start truly fresh and free.

Stairs in Winter

Wishing, It's What's for Dinner

Okay, maybe it has nothing to do with dinner. But it's good, no denying that. In a weird headspace, totally over caffeinated, and after having just talked to a friend about their money troubles I found myself in an emotional spot. I felt love and wanted to share it. The first thing that came to mind was that I wished I had the money and financial stability to be able to help out my friends in tough financial situations right now. To be able to give without expecting anything in return, to be able to invest in the security and happiness of the people I love or care for.

Now as wonderful as this sounds I also understand that my desire to do this is not completely unselfish. Yes, it would make me feel good. I would feel good about myself and, if allowed to run unchecked, could drive my ego to a very bad place. But I've never (I think) had trouble with ego-invested giving. I've always just given without a second thought. This has gotten me into trouble, true, but it is one of the ways I show love and I've never regretted having given and loved in that way. I'd like to continue to do that minus the financial trouble.

So, in true Disney fashion it would seem, I wished on a star. Now this is not the shallow "starlight, star bright" crap from Pinochio, though there are bigger meanings to all of that story if you go deeper. I took it to a more magickal level.

Today being Friday means that it is Freya's day, the day of Love, Venus' day. It also happens to be a day drenched in the power of a partial lunar eclipse. Mercury just left retrograde. And this bad witch doesn't have a clue what the moon's doing, but I believe she's gone dark, good for beginnings, birthing new ideas, creation. So my petition/wish to the beautiful Morning Star, Lady of Love, was one of assistance in realizing my wish. To channel love and alchemically transform it into prosperity to then give back to those who've shown me love. Freya is pretty good with such things, and partnered with the great Jupiter and his amazing expansive power right now has put some amazing currents out there.

So I've wished upon a star. And it was good. And now the caffeine has other plans.

Spinning

I'm now a yarn spinning crazy person! I got this drop spindle from my friend Slithershimmy and am utterly hooked. The roving she gave me is a really cool hunter green and spins nicely. Had to let all my blog peeps know, well, 'cus most of you are yarn whores.

Future and Career

In the last couple days I have talked about a positive outlook on the coming year. It seems to come up in a lot of conversations, notably one today. I ask the question- Are careers inconsequential in our current situation?

I suck at politics and money and probably have no good background for bringing this up, but hey, it's my blog and I can at least voice my very likely uneducated opinions.

From discussions with friends with better financial and professional backgrounds I've heard over and over that our views of a person's work history have changed dramatically over the last ten years, even longer. Maybe the last forty. Staying with one job at the same company for 20+ years is a thing of the past. Employers like the renaissance type- someone who has had a multitude of experience over several jobs whether within one field or in many. This changes the modern professional's approach to their work and steps toward a career. Is a career outside of their reach or is it within their grasp? It's all in their hands. Based on the type of job they want to land and the kind of money they want to make they have many options open to them. They could stay with one company and try to climb their way to the top. They could jump opportunistically from job to job until they reach the point they are shooting for and the salary they wish to make. Risky but exciting. Or they could strike out on their own as an entrepreneur and create their own path to wealth and prosperity. These are three common roads.

For myself, I like and strive to one day create my own career with myself as my boss. But this is not doable right at this moment. I've never found the static first choice to be very useful to me because I tend to quickly lose interest. So I work within the second model.

Having never finished college and not currently planning to return I find myself constantly viewing options and jumping at new avenues as they come up. This works for me. Keeps me engaged. Until the crash of the economy I had progressively moved up in pay with each new job I took on over a course of six years. Granted, it was never a huge leap, but I always went up. With the current and much needed job I have taken quite a pay cut. And this has made me think about the future. What can I start doing right now to begin a process that will yield results I am looking for a.k.a a career of my choosing with all the elements I consider to be essential to a great line of work and an enjoyable job experience? And I've begun to seriously evaluate where I want to go.

I've not yet decided what exactly it is I'm shooting for, but a have a hazy collage of mismatched ideas and dreams that given the right glue will all fall together at some point. For now I'm supremely happy that I understand I have options and that whether we call it a career or a job, it will be a great adventure when the time comes.

Do I need a degree? I doubt it. Should I stay with every job as long as I can and focus on working my way up? Maybe, but never to the extreme that I lose focus of the end goal. Do I think I'll figure this out in '10? Probably not, but I intend to make some headway. Life is moving on every minute and it's time I started finding ways to enjoy living it the way I dream I do.

And that's my thoughts tonight. Scrambled, but mine.

The Gods- Musings and Ramblings

K, so this is gonna be one of those deep thinking posts. But hey, with as much as I am not-committing-in-order-to-trick-myself-into-keeping-this-up-and-in-reality-committing to posting every day, there will be some shallow posts from time to time so it never gets too deep.

It's been on my mind quite a bit and sparked a great convo with my roommate on the nature of these things/beings/ideas that we call gods. There are many names for them and even more perspectives on what they are. A friend recently asked me how I see the divinity as a witch, whether it was as one divine source of all things, a dual aspect idea of male/female and light/dark, as many separate beings each with their own reality, or something else, to which I replied (in a nutshell) "yes". I see it as all of those.

Every religion with it's own link to the divine has boxed in how the god/dess/s can manifest in their reality. Sometimes they even go so far as to not box it in which usually results in a bigger box. Categorization. We need it to comprehend. We also sometimes try to move beyond boxed thinking and it can be tricky. Really hard to put to words. But we will always manage to wrap some sort of form around it in order to allow it the place in our lives that need it.

My own thinking trends towards models that I have built from my own experience of God. I choose to cling very loosely to belief and go with what I know. I know that I have experienced connection to a source concept of God. My whole being is one with that source. Quantum theory supports this. Everything is matter and energy, and matter is just energy condensed in a way. The logic follows that everything is energy and we are all a part of each other. We come from God and God comes from us. Inseparable. I also have experienced light and dark, good and bad, yin and yang, and know that these are just dual faces of God and yet separate entities at the same time. Dual and unified. Very recently I have worked specifically with gods of form and function. Pan, Hades, and Cerridwen. Aspects and archetypes of human experience and a few of the facets of divinity. Yet they are each other and all the same thing. And finally, I have experienced my own god soul. It's that part of me that is divine, closely connected with divinity and divinity in me. A bright flame of godhood that burns in the vessel of my body. Without it I am incomplete. To unite fully with it is to be whole, fully self possessed.

These are my gods. They manifest in many ways and not always in ways I expect. They are allies, friends, teachers and extensions. With them I am co-creating the world I exist in. With their requested assistance I make powerful magick. From them I gain knowledge and understanding. They are essential for my experience of other realms of existence and I am essential to their experience of this physical reality.

Yesterday I talked about falling in love with the world. In many creation myths and particularly the Feri version the goddess creates the world out of an act of love. If then I truly fall in love with the world, what amazing things will we create together?

I am going to find out.

Fall in Love with the World

It's been a while since my last post. Today I read many of the new postings on my Adopted Mom's blog, My Little Room, and really felt very happy that an element that used to be such a fun and personally important part of my weekly routine of blog reading had returned. I hadn't realized how far gone i'd been from the blogger's sphere. 

So now I sit here in my cozy room in my cozy house listening to music from my early years (lol, post-highschool and "early adult" years) and fully enveloped in good feelings and a happy, whole, contented settling in my other part/vibrational otherself/soul. 

I've been ridiculously optimistic about life lately and it's been a great change. I don't know exactly what to credit for that as a great many things just seem to be good, even in spite of everyday concerns over typical, mundane things. The stars have literally aligned for me along with those floaty bits we call planets. Big things are up and coming with the coven and my ongoing magickal edumacation and every day seems to bring new magick and mystery where before things were just too muggle. My job with the spice shop is good, far from perfect, but really good and I have a lot to be thankful for with having a job. Money is just as tight as it always has been, but somehow it doesn't weigh on me like it has in the past. I'm creating a home and loving every minute of it. I have been really aware of how many amazing people are friends of mine and how many of them are so very unique and amazing. The frackin' holidays have really brought in some great memories alongside the usual frustrations that always rear their ugly heads. I've rediscovered some old artsy loves and started enjoying them. The sky really does seem to be the limit. 

This crazy optimism has been really helpful for me in my interactions with so many friends who seem to be having a rough time of it right now. It's allowed me to be able to really listen and hopefully offer help that is beneficial in some way. I like beaing able to be there for friends. I haven't always been emotionally and physically able to be that person, but lately its been easy and I'm happy to be able to help my friends out in that way. 

The muggle new year 2010 holds a lot of promise. I look forward to discovering new adventures, making new memories, seeing old friends, starting new and healthier pursuits and hobbies and even getting more involved in environmental activism and the gay and pagan communities. The possibilities abound for co-creating amazing change in the world this year. We are ready for it as a global community. actively involving oneself in such an amazing venture is the stuff of dreams. I feel compelled to weave the positive energy i am drenched in right now into the information network out there in the hopes that new and bigger things can happen. 

I want to fall in love with the World this year. And as cheesy and New Agey as all of this sounds right now, its heartfelt and kind of intoxicating. Find your connection to the people in your life and get drunk on happiness. 

Wordless Wednesday

In Praise of Kala

Recent events in my everyday life have prompted the use of and appreciation of Kala. Kala is a state of being where one is free and unrestricted by the turmoil that is derived of inner and outer influences. "Making Kala" is a ritual most often found in Feri traditions and one that my own tradition makes use of. Here is an exerpt from FeriTradition.org that gives a little better explanation-

"The Kala rite is arguably one of the most important pieces of Feri tradition practice. From the Hawaiian word meaning “to loosen, untie, or absolve” this simple ritual provides us with an opportunity to transform negative energies and blockages within ourselves, as well as to reclaim the power that these blocks have “tied up” within our energy bodies."

-The Kala Rite

A Feri Ritual of Purification

Yesterday I had an interview with a company looking to open a new store in Littleton, CO where I live. Prior to driving out to the place where I would be meeting the Employee Relations rep I sat in my daily practice of breathing and meditation and followed it up with the Kala ritual. Now, I don't do this as regularly as I should, which is a mystery even to me, but every time I do I remember just how amazing it feels to release yourself from the limitations and stress that we all inflict on ourselves. It's literally a feeling of becoming lighter. The phrase "walking on sunshine" comes to mind. K, I feel cheesy now.

Following that, I took off for the interview and mentally prepped myself for the questions I knew they'd be asking. In the past, when I've done this pre-interview run through I always end up getting my nerves going. Funny, it didn't happen this time. When I arrived at the store, I was asked to wait for a few minutes as I was about ten minutes early. While standing there I found myself chatting away to two of the employees as easily as if I'd been hanging around all day. Kinda odd for me, the introverted Gemini.

After meeting the rep and store manager and beginning the interview I noticed that the entire 45 minute interview went smoothly and was completely in my control. The conversation went where I wanted it to and I was able to highlight various aspects of myself and my work history that I knew would help them understand what I was bringing to the table. The entire thing was a totally new experience for me. Never have I connected right off the bat with two people who were scrutinizing my job life over the last few years. I credit this with being kala.

The results of the interview were standard (we love what we see however we do need to finalize blah blah and will be calling everyone next Tuesday) except for the offer of the full-time key holder/supervisor position. I was a little surprised, but told them that yes, I was very interested in that position and would prefer it. Handshakehandshakesonicetomeetyouthankyouforcomingin, and I was done. What a breeze.

This experience has shown me just how much staying kala reflects back to us in everyday situations. Had I not been so present for that interview, hell, for that hour, I might not have made the impression that I did or gotten the attention that was needed to set off a flag with my name on it over the full-time position. The inner skeptic in me wants to dissect the whole thing and play devil's advocate, and it will for a while, but the experience itself has been enough to change my thinking on this ritual. What might have seemed unneeded or blah before has now shown me just how useful to daily living it is. And that is why this post is titled "In Praise of Kala."

Here's a few sites if you want more info on being kala-

Lillith's Lantern

The Witches' Voice: Adult Pagan Essay Series

PonderEthereal

And, as Shen-tat likes to say, stay kala, my friends!

Wordless Wednesdays

Bird Busta Move

Ha ha! I just got a mini performance from a red-headed House Finch as I sat sipping coffee and smoking. It was cool! 

I had just relaxed and was enjoying all the birds chirping in the neighborhood in the "early morning" light. Lol, early morning. Despite all my moving around a very sociable guy dropped down right in front of me and gave a few inquisitorial tweets. After saying hello and giving him the go for it mental telepathy thing I always do and that never works he busted out with a bird rhyme. It was pretty. While I'm not inclined to take a Snow White approach to this kind of thing, I have to admit I did enjoy it. When nature gets right up in your face, you had better enjoy it. 

And that was the extent of it. No encore, but that's okay. I'm hoping the local humming bird will stop by next and get a little friendly with me. 

Beltania 2009

I'm back, all! The last two weeks have been a bit of a blur. Final preparations for Beltania, getting things in order, and riding the creative wave that carried all the way through this past weekend. 

My first foray into paper mache went over really well. As part of my coven's participation in Beltania, a local Colorado pagan festival, we performed a ritual for the full moon in Scorpio utilizing the energies of the Egyptian god Osiris and goddess Hathor. In order to expand the ritual drama we would be enacting, full costumes needed to be crafted. So my project was to create the white crown of Upper Egypt, the horned headpiece of Hathor, and the shen, a tool of the gods that was symbolic of eternity and grants protection, that Hathor would carry and use to grant eternity and protection to the participants of the ritual and later to raise the dead god to life. Each of these pieces came out beautifully and so much better than I really had expected they would. Yeah, there was definitely blood, sweat, and almost tears that went into it, but it was so worth it. I spent 40+ hours on it, granted at a moderate pace. 

The festival had so many amazing things about it. Friday started off in true Mercury retrograde but ended up with us getting to the festival on time and all set to perform our full moon ritual with the lovely Wendy Rule! It went off beautifully with many of the participants really finding meaning in it and connecting with Hathor and Osiris. It was really amazing to see. Afterwards, we partied! Much needed after all the hard work that everyone put into the ritual preparations. The post ritual celebration also opened up to some really great conversations with other pagans at the festival and drinks all around. This was one of my favorite parts to the weekend. 

The all-night drumming circle was another highlight. At midnight, the witching hour, a bonfire was lit in the Wild Meadows and drummers setup and started their rhythmic beating. People immediately flocked to the circle and began dancing. It was an awesome sight. Fire dancers moved around the outside of the ring of light creating mesmerizing displays of whirling energy and pagans danced. Danced just like they did around the Beltane fires a thousand years ago. And all the time the flicker of the bonfire lit up the drummers as they beat the drums and chanted songs to the goddess and the earth. It felt like a living rendition of the Beltane fire celebrations in Marion Zimmer Bradley's book The Mists of Avalon. I stayed through the frenzied fire dancing, the call and respond of the peacocks, and the quiet meditation as the dawn started to show in the east. 

Saturday started off with a massive hangover and only four hours of sleep. My plans for attending the workshops that morning really went to shit. After breakfast and some quiet relaxing with fellow camping buddies and coven members I headed to Merchant Row to check out what was being peddled on the green. I found more cool stuff than I could believe. Masks, drums, staffs, wands, statues, books, cloaks of all kinds. It was inspiring. I now want to do every kind of craft out there. Just what I need. Lol. Then came the may pole ritual! It was fun and crazy. Joy from Living Earth did a beautiful job conducting the ritual with her partner who's name I can't remember to save my life. It was great though. Our own Shen-tat even participated in the ritual as the holder of the Northern energies during the weaving of the ribbons. So many people got to participate and it ended up being a lot of fun. 

Come seven o'clock, we were treated to the Australian witch and pagan folklore singer Wendy Rule. It's really hard to relate just how awesome her singing is. Listening to her on CD is just not the same. Her concert began with the circle casting and calling of the elements and ended with a devocation of the elements and a downpour of rain. Magick would not keep it at bay any longer. But that's what you get when you camp. It ended up being a good excuse to huddle in the Taj Mahal at camp and drink some more and relate funny stories. Mention of a book of ghost stories came up and went down on the lists as part of our luggage for Dragonfest. Then it was off to a very cold evening in the tent and another short night. 

Everything really wrapped up on Sunday with more people thanking and complementing the coven on Friday's ritual and the costumery which really helped my ego to get nice and fat. It was such a beautiful morning held all kinds of interactions with the pagans hanging out and waiting to leave camp. After a few goodbyes we packed up our campsite and got ourselves onto the road to head back to Denver. 

Coming back from that mini vacation really was hard to do. My mind and spirit really wanted to stay there and revel in the openness and community that I felt while I was there. It was healing for me and something I will now get to look forward to every year. But all good things must come to an end. What is important is what I take home from that experience and how I choose to improve my life with it. Strength is the quality that has come to my mind each time I ask myself what I have come back with. Strength of being, strength of character, knowing that we are alive and strong in the world and that we can do whatever we set our minds to.