These last five resolutions are a bit more speculative. You will see why I say that when I explain my thoughts on each one. I see myself relating to the first five more closely because of their semi-integration into my life already. We'll see in the coming year whether these last few make my itinerary.
Come Out to Yourself. I realize that a year ago this would have been an excellent resolution for me as the doubt clouding my mind then could have easily been cleared up by just recognizing my "problem" and dealing with it. Inner demons is another term that could be used to loosely describe my fight with gayness over the past nine years. But thanks to an insightful and caring friend who had the gaydar to beat all, I am now a fully out gay man. And it feels good, damn good.
After that came Shed Bad Influences. Now, because it was an article aimed at the resolute gay man, it focused on safer sex practices and drug use. These are common problems in the gay community, especially with the rise of new advances in HIV medication that increase the length of an infected person's life. But something else we could throw into the mix would be friends who's downward spiral in life has begun to affect you. I've seen friends I come in contact with at points in my life hit walls in their life, usually self-inflicted, and stop, not seeking out their dreams, not working to rise to the next level physically, socially, spiritually, or mentally. It's something I have recognized and work to stop in my life. I've seen myself fall into ruts and the degradation is not pretty. So, my effort to shed these influences will mean I will re-evaluate my friends and their affect on me and take appropriate action to control the time I spend with them.
Next was one that I desperately want to make a high priority, especially with my move to health-conscious Denver, CO and my arrival on the gay scene there. Actually Workout at the Gym. Every gay man has some desire to look his best, to draw and attract those hot young men with equally hot bodies into some form of relationship whether it be just a casual friendship or all the way to the intimate lover. Surrounding yourself with physically beautiful people is a definite boost to any person's self-confidence. Surrounding yourself with people who's beauty comes from the inside is much more important, but kind of off topic for this paragraph.
Volunteering was one I have never done before. To be truthful, I'm not particularly attracted to it and I'm not sure why. It's something I see as being excellent for me but something I definitely have a block on. This year may be the year I decide to change that.
Stop Smoking, god, what a vice. And not for reasons of addiction. I just find the whole idea of it attractive in a social/conversation way. I realize that is not the best way to explain that. I understand the harmful effects of smoking and the unattractive side of it. It's the appeal that it carries for me as a rebellion statement. Rebellion against what society would have me do and rebellion against the restrictions put on me by my parents. Thus far my positive approach to not becoming addicted has worked. I believe the addiction is mostly in the mind, and as long as I refuse the idea of being addicted, my body takes care of me and puts no dependence on the cigarettes. It's a dirty habit. I know. But I am a free human being, capable of deciding for myself what is good, bad, and acceptable. When the appeal lessens, I'll stop.
That wraps up my thoughts on the new year and gives you insight into my mind and the courses I will probably take this year. There are a few smaller things that I want to get into. Hip hop dancing, art school, a boyfriend, bartending are just a few. But they fall into a different category.
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